Tuesday

Out of Office Autoreply Toilet Break

I am away from my desk for ten minutes. I thought you'd need to know. Normally I am here all day answering your letters and thinking I am indispensable.


Action: Send to all
When: When I'm busy
But suppose: no one cares? Yeah right.



We guarantee to not to ever send one of these but should this happen, here's what to do in Outlook
1) Right Click on the message
2) Choose "Create Rule". Choose conditions eg 'autoreply' in the subject line.
3) Uncheck 'from'. Choose 'Move message to ..'
4) Choose 'Junk mail'

Friday

Networks are about power fer goodness sake

John Naughton makes an interesting comment in The Observer about school’s “restrictive broadband networks designed by clueless local authorities”. He clearly has inside information though the piece goes on a touch about the Tony Blair government being in on the act.

School networks ARE kind of yuk – most networks are. Maybe you can't put files on your machine or access Google images on yours. School networks are worse than many. But here's a real history to the restrictive network and it pre-dates Blair and even Thatcher. The history goes back to the dawn of civilization.

This is what happened. At the beginning there were people who studied and learned to understand the heavens. These people were the high priests, they were yesterday’s scientists. They could predict events. Knowledge was power. They knew cool stuff and pretty soon they gained an unholy amount of power.

This happened in schools too.

Fast forward to just yesterday when power in schools went through a comfortable era. Schools were run by the knowledgeable – basically the head of maths, head of English and head of science. Oh and the head.
But one day along came the computer. And someone in school learned to work it. Pretty soon their knowledge put them in power. They had found a fast career track. They got promoted to deputy heads in charge of ICT and i/c regional networks.

So I can't blame any bit of government policy for what's going on. Sure the government could fix it and I half think the Observer comment is helping. The cause of duff networks is that they don’t meet the needs of the users. The people in charge can’t find a way to change this even when they want them to.

Thursday

Techno Palsy - Technopalsy

TECH'NO'PAL'SY n. s as z. to use a machine without reading a manual or even thinking.
When technology continues to be as half-well designed as it is, a certain about of nouse; intuition or rough intelligence is required of the user for the working thereof. If not that, it needs the read of the manual. Where is it? Those with technopalsy may throw it in the bin.

Persons with technopalsy are to be found mostly staring at a piece of technology in puzzlement. Not all such stares are signs of a full-blown affliction.

This most indicative symptom of TP is shown by a conclusive test. The test is based on the fact that many gismos [ibid] have hidden key presses to reset the device or put it into maintenance mode or go where it shouldn't. To the most ordinary geek-type person, these key presses are hard if not impossible to find without a manual.

But the confirmed technopalsied will find the correct key combination within a few minute's use of a device. Hence a Windows PC will be 'accidentally' made to start in safe mode; or it will lock-up trying to download a large file; a digital clock will hop between date-view and time-view; a television will retune itself and seek new channels; an ipod's software will crash; a coffee machine will discharge coffee pretty much everywhere.

Definition from Roger's Dictionary of the English Language, 2005.